NEW YORK — Members of glam rock group KISS were spotted using a stockpile of Sephora points at a local store late yesterday morning to…
This isn’t the dark ages. Women rock out. We play guitars. As Phoebe Bridgers demonstrated on SNL, sometimes we rock so hard that we smash…
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — Police detained NASA astronaut Charles Washington today as he boarded the Orion V spacecraft during launch preparations, demanding to know if…
Californians were warned today to protect themselves by staying both inside and outside, due to the ongoing risks associated with the Covid-19 pandemic as well…
AMHERST, Mass. — Smorth College announced today that instead of face-to-face instruction, it will release its fall semester classes on vinyl, citing pandemic concerns. “This…
With activists across the country protesting racial inequality and police violence, The Hard Times decided to sit down with police whistleblower Kelly McAllen to hear…
LOS ANGELES — Wutherton Tall, the creator of conservative food blog The Thin Blue Lime, scribbled a five-star review into his drool-covered Moleskine after licking…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos stood triumphantly beneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner in an empty cafetorium yesterday after the coronavirus allowed her to…
DES MOINES, Iowa — After returning from Iraq in January, former Marine and current Elder Scrolls Online enthusiast Zach Meyers has found real life to…
Sure, thousands of people have died in the coronavirus pandemic. But you know who else is about to die? A shipload of dungeons bosses now…
Fifty years is a long time. Almost as long as my nipples after half a century of breastfeeding. Seriously, my poor areolas are as tattered…
IMPERIAL CITY, Tamriel — MolagMoProblems, a dark elf who has not seen her beloved piebald destrier Fuckstick since she galloped the horse into a pool…
LOS ANGELES — Following in the footsteps of Joaquin Phoenix, who lost a grueling 52 pounds to play Joker, LA-based actress Shivani Roche dropped almost…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local gamer Kaylie Terline was reportedly thrilled to hear that Netflix is producing an animated Cuphead show she might actually be able…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Arcane powers of life and death were recently wielded by Amina Mitchell, 35, who used dark magicks to revive a 12-year-old…