Regardless of your relationship status, the past year of quarantine and lockdown has certainly put added stress on everyone’s love life. It took my partner…
JIM THORPE, Penn. — Craigslist user Hampton Bellamy sold a badly damaged and completely non-functional Kustom amplifier yesterday after listing it on the website “as…
NEW YORK ⏤ Recently debuted African American muppet Elijah Walker was fatally shot by Sesame Street police after officers mistakenly identified the number seven being…
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — A recent study of your entire friend group came to the unimpeachable conclusion that Daniel Jordan, the biggest fuck up you…
Republicans fear a lot of things: Gender-neutral bathrooms, Dr. Seuss books they’ve never heard of getting discontinued, and us Democrats “coming for your guns.” Ooh,…
Every morning, I wake up and lay in bed, thinking about how my day is going to go while listening to the birds sing their…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Members of notorious local punk house “Dish Pitt” finally found disappeared roommate Jon “Scuzzy” Baker last week when they began their every-other-two-years…
ST. LOUIS — Local man who is living with functional depression, Dan Sousa, surprised exactly no one after it was learned that he can’t even…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — FBI Agent Dan Trolley defused a tense standoff with local police over the jurisdiction of a crime scene with a well-timed racist…
Look, some things are just set in stone. 2 + 2 = 4. “I” before “E” except after “C.” Flu shots cause irreversible testicular torsion…