ATLANTA -— Stubborn, delusional punk Drew Blaney, who has lost a third of his mohawk due to his receding hairline, will not fix his increasingly…
BRIGHTON, Mass. — 46-year-old punk Cameron Matthews is now willing to expand his musical horizons and give some new music from 2004 a listen, according…
PHILADELPHIA — A long-winded and confusing rant last night about gender identity by legendary hardcore frontman Bobbie Bryant was likely meant to be positive, despite…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Butthole Canyon frontman Richie Butthole increasingly regrets his chosen stage name, now that he is approaching his mid-30s, sources close to the…
NEW ORLEANS — Local goth Peter “Draven” McGinty, burdened by his age and weight, has surgically removed his lower two ribs to alleviate his struggles…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — The Offspring frontman Dexter Holland has a new food-related venture: Vino Anciano, a wine that will become increasingly stagnant over time,…
NIAGARA FALLS, N.Y. — Three days after his 34th birthday, computer programer Adam White admitted his growing concern that he’s now “too old to die…
TUCSON, ARIZ. — Aging punk John “The Don” Bergeron excitedly eyed a single, empty chair during a show at McCluskey’s Saloon last Friday evening, several…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — 45-year-old Reel Big Fish frontman Aaron Barrett found stray, gray triangles last week on his Hawaiian shirts, witnesses confirmed, a grim…
These days it seems like we’re all starting to feel a little creaky in the knees. Remember when the kid from the Nevermind cover bought…
BOSTON — The Pints Of Blood fest announced a new set of guidelines for this year’s event, declaring age restrictions of “16 to enter, 45…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 33-year-old Seth Bourne is completely unable and unwilling to buy any shoes that are not specifically designed for skateboarding, according to concerned…
CHICAGO — Aging punks Paul Schiffer and Jessica Hernandez believe their sex life has become stale, following their most recent “routine and lackluster pounding” in a…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Aging punk Valeri Kravtsova announced plans earlier today to support the scene with “maximum efficiency” and attend an entire year’s worth…
Get ready to be inspired. Some people might think that getting into punk is a road to nowhere but they haven’t met Dave Berkely, the…