ANAHEIM, Calif. — Yesterday’s funeral program for recently deceased Nathan Rivard was the most fun his friends have had since the beginning of the COVID-19…
ATLANTA — In an attempt to help Americans better understand and adjust to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dave Landers received the COVID-19 vaccine on Thursday and is now looking forward to never, ever washing his hands again, according…
RACCOON CITY — Albert Wesker, a former commanding officer of the highly decorated Alpha Team of the STARS division of the RCPD, has angered many…
MUNCIE, Ind. – World-renowned, curmudgeonly orange cat Garfield has forgotten which day of the week he famously hates due to prolonged quarantine, comic strip sources…
FREDERICK, Md. — Longtime punk band Booger Eater realized yesterday that it’s been over 10 months since they occupied a stage at a local bar…
WASHINGTON — Congressional attempts to pass a COVID-19 stimulus bill once again reached an impasse yesterday after Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) introduced an amendment to…
LONDON — Elderly miser Ebenezer Scrooge is recovering in his palatial estate today after being exposed to COVID-19 following a visit from the Ghost of…
WASHINGTON — President Trump added a new addendum to the COVID-19 relief bill passed by Congress yesterday, prohibiting American women who he feels are “carrying…
PITTSBURGH — Your ex-boyfriend Jake Doherty’s new girlfriend, Sara Michaels, will receive the vaccine for the novel coronavirus before you, placing hundreds of millions of…
DENVER — Local woman Stephanie Robbins admitted today she now wishes she hadn’t already used the “deadly pandemic” excuse to get out of last year’s…
ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to wash at her parents’ home…
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. -— Former Vice President Dan Quayle has reportedly contracted the novel Coronavirus “COVIDE-19,” according to Quayle’s medical records. “Mr. Quayle checked in…
WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being counted, including an extra request…
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — The coronavirus, the cause of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over one million people thus far, endorsed President Trump…