TUCSON, Ariz. — Local man Edgar Ruiz admitted today that he would have done things much differently if he knew that the most recent time…
DEER PARK, N.Y. — The owners of local rehearsal space Damned Studios released a number of safety protocols yesterday for COVID, but failed to address…
Everything this simple man’s ever needed in life can be found at my local Walmart. Hell, even if I were fancier I’d still get all…
MUNCIE, Ind. – World-renowned, curmudgeonly orange cat Garfield has forgotten which day of the week he famously hates due to prolonged quarantine, comic strip sources…
WASHINGTON — Congressional attempts to pass a COVID-19 stimulus bill once again reached an impasse yesterday after Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) introduced an amendment to…
Viruses had something of a moment in 2020, didn’t they? Up until recently, serious diseaseophiles have maintained that they peaked in the ‘80s, but there…
We’ve all been there. Feeling stuck at your job; maybe staring at your dumbass kid. Dreaming of the day when you’d finally have the time—with…
KANTO — Recent surges of coronavirus have taxed local medical centers, pushing one facility to the edge of overflow by filling all six slots at…
Lately, it feels like all my friends and family judge me for dating in quarantine. They take it as a sign that I’m not treating…
In these unchill times, bros worldwide have been leaning on their dudes extra hard to make sense of shit. Between mask mandates, flavored Juul pod…
Let’s face it, regular spreader events do not make front page news anymore. Those dum-dum journalists are just not interested in reporting “The Queen’s Gambit”…
LA PAMPA, Argentina — Donald Trump Jr.’s recent COVID-19 diagnosis has inspired his brother Eric to hunt him for sport, several sources close to the…
Stay home, everybody! Please limit this year’s Thanksgiving celebration to include only the people you live with. Larger gatherings could have potentially fatal consequences, especially…
WEYMOUTH, Mass. — The guest list of an annual Friendsgiving celebration, truncated this year due to COVID-19 mandates, has shown excluded members their exact status…
ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have confirmed that the COVID-19 virus is gearing up for yet another Double-XP Weekend,…