Greeting new (I hope) friend! Might I trouble you for just a moment of your time? My office is just around the corner here, come…
Jonathan, I want you to know that I love your mother very much. And although I tried to eat your real father during the most…
So, I was at Michael’s Craft Store the other day buying some last minute decorations for the upcoming religious holiday and, after checking out, the…
Tom Waits was born in the back of a boxcar in 1890, the son of a feral dog and a haunted phonograph. He has survived…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Self-described horror nerd Jackie Pagán will celebrate the Halloween season with a month-long news intake marathon, empathetic onlookers confirmed. “I used to…
PLEASANTON, Calif. — Local punk Jesse Watson is breaking out his collection of AFI records earlier and earlier each year, fellow seasonally sensitive sources confirmed.…
LODI, N.J. — A highly anticipated Christmas album from punk legends The Misfits consists primarily of songs about Halloween, multiple confused listeners confirmed. The album,…
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. — A punk house haunted by multiple ghosts is terrifying visitors who dare to cross its threshold for an entirely different set of…
I’ve been silent for too long and it’s time I spoke my truth. I’m tired of seeing my culture being appropriated on Halloween. I’m a…
ROCKAWAY, N.J. — A sultry outfit depicting infamous musician and record producer Steve Albini is the most sought-after costume this Halloween season, according to Party…
MINNEAPOLIS — Laura Reynolds discovered her ex-boyfriends tag last night in the bathroom stall of local venue the 331 Club, effectively ruining her evening and…
Merry autumnal equinox, fuckers! That’s right, it’s finally the time of year when the leather jacket you wore all summer is actually necessary and endless…
It’s that time of year again. Time to open up Instagram and see what all of your friends are dressing up as for Halloween. We…
CARMEL, Ind. — Local band Flesh Smell, once deemed “the worst thing I have ever heard” by local promoter Jessica Weber, announced they’re now booked for the…
OMAHA, Neb. — Occupants of the punk house known as the Bunker on Burt Street handed out “crucial demo tapes” in lieu of candy on…