HARTFORD, Conn. — Local punk and 31-year-old adult man Kenny Whalen remains blissfully unaware that he is the Whalen family’s cautionary tale, concerned sources confirmed.…
SHERMER, Ill. — A heavily scripted and complex romantic gesture made by local man Chase Stratford last week reportedly swept one young woman off her…
MIAMI — Local holiday and generally despised time of the year, Valentine’s Day, is determined to absolutely destroy one of the few relationships that’s somehow…
ST. LOUIS — Local man Brian Dorney’s Valentine’s Day preparations allegedly revolve exclusively around convincing his girlfriend that 1988 classic action movie “Die Hard” is…
BETHESDA, Md. — “Duplicitous catfisher” and clearly regular homo sapien Colleen Jansen disappointed prospective love match Dominic Sabatino yesterday after proclaiming to be a “horse…
VANCOUVER, Wash. — Local neo-fascist Greg Pough retired as an active member of the Proud Boys today following a three-second embrace with his father that…
I’m not a religious person or anything, but in some ways I guess I’m just old fashioned. This may not be a popular opinion and…
WILMINGTON, N.C. — Hallmark Channel’s signature Christmas-themed romance movies reportedly promote an unhealthy expectation of any kind of human interaction, according to a new study…
NAPA, Calif. — Local woman Amanda Perez believes that, for the first time in her life, she most likely has a decent shot with actor…
DENVER — Local man Cory McCann is ready to settle down and meet “the one” person he’ll spend the rest of the year with, or…
UMTANUM, Wash. — Local single man Cameron Barrett admitted today that he’s been patiently waiting for his high school crush to get divorced so he…
DENVER — Your boyfriend of two years claimed yesterday, in a “totally gross” and “most definitely insincere” showering of affection, that he loves you and…
SEATTLE — A passionate bout of intercourse between local couple Robert Levin and Andrea MacNeil was put on hold this afternoon to flip a record…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich are reportedly not bothering to…
WATERLOO, Iowa — A local couple’s relationship elevated to the next level yesterday after boyfriend Logan Carpenter featured a photo of his girlfriend Naima Alford…