CARLSBAD, N.M. — Avid Tinder user Myles Soto enjoyed playing Devil’s advocate last night while his date begged him to empathize with her most painful…
EDEN — God, the almighty, omnipresent being responsible for the creation of life itself, finally confirmed that he removed Adam’s rib primarily so Adam could…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Greg Kaiters enjoyed reading a nice chapter from a book at the Bridgetown Rose Saloon last Friday night after spending…
CARY, N.C. — Local co-op worker Alan Swanson is fed up with assumptions that he’s somehow in charge of coworkers at least 12 years his…
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — Senior Amazon engineer Eddie Shipman claimed today that Burning Man, the weeklong electronic music festival held in the Nevada desert,…
Oh boy, look who just walked in. Who does this douchebag think he is? I hate when assholes from out of town come through here…
TUCKER, Ga. — Punk Ollie Boyer turned around a framed photo on his nightstand last night of punk rock icon and notoriously judgemental dude Henry…
LANGHAM, Saskatchewan — A Beta Cucks show last night at the Langham Legion Hall was interrupted when a windmilling punk was tilted by a mysterious…
LOS ANGELES — Garage-rock frontman Julian Wood asked a casual female acquaintance yesterday for naked photos in an effort to save a flailing conversation, Wood…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pervert David Bell could not climax this morning during his daily commute after noticing another bus rider openly nursing her infant, multiple…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — A Wilco T-shirt mysteriously materialized last week in the closet of local man Steve Rosetti, the latest in a string of possibly…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Chronically unemployed man and frequent HPV spreader Danny Feldman is completely unaware that his last three girlfriends all consider dating him to…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local punk Kenny Holmes offered to introduce Fannie Lane, the singer of Fannie and the Road Bandits, to her fellow members of…
NEW ORLEANS — Local punk Sarah Moreno was seen scouring the crowd at a show last night for her blind date, a “white guy in…
MONSTEROPOLIS, Fla. — A routine extermination of a rogue android known as Florida Man took an unexpected turn yesterday when super fighting robot Mega Man…