ROSWELL, N.M. — Local bachelor Ian Rael felt optimistic about his first Hinge date with Emily Backovich, an event that she will need to unpack…
YONKERS, N.Y. — Darnell Hudgens, recently paroled from Westchester County Correctional for marijuana distribution, is reportedly encountering challenges obtaining a job in the legal weed…
LOS ANGELES — The lone mic stand at music venue The Kick Drum in eastern Los Angeles “fucking blows” and won’t stop drooping down seconds…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we cover “Opiate,” the 1992 EP from Tool.…
SAN FRANCISCO — Christine Walker’s longest-running relationship is with a travel guide to Kyoto that’s been open as a browser tab on her laptop for…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local man Gabriel Danforth is plagued with uncertainty about whether his 13-month-old Skullcandy headphones are broken after hearing a concerning staticky noise,…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local guitar prodigy Demetri King began his grueling search for a metal vocalist to completely ruin and distract from the brilliant instrumentation…
MONTREAL — An alarming new study revealed that body dysmorphia diagnoses skyrocketed just hours after clothing manufacturer Gildan released a highly maligned intimate apparel collection.…
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — Fans of hardcore and nu-metal announced a peace agreement after finding common ground in their mutual love for seminal post-hardcore band Glassjaw,…
COLUMBIA, S.C. — The bottom half of a pair of Zildjian “Goon Rock” hi-hats owned by local drummer Felix Hevierre expressed a desire to have…
EL PASO, Texas — Post-hardcore band Asbestocide reportedly sold out what little cred they’ve obtained by not including free swag such as stickers or buttons…
Grammy-nominated metal giants Power Trip were part of a new breed of bands that pushed the limits of the genre. This song was originally part…
HOUSTON — Scientists at NASA monitoring the Perseverance Rover made a startling discovery today when it sent back photos of GWAR rehearsing on Mars, multiple…
LOS ANGELES — Local therapist Dr. Dana Therenspoon gave their patient exactly one month to live during a routine check-in, after months of increasingly lame…
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — Staff and audience members at the newly reopened Cherry Pit reported a puzzling stench that may be as serious a health risk…