PORTLAND, Maine. — Local woman Dani Pineda has desperately hidden her humanity from her live-in boyfriend Aaron Adams by not shitting at all for the…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local tattoo artist Mike Lussier ended his self-imposed quarantine yesterday and debuted a plethora of new upside-down tattoos he gave himself to…
LOS ANGELES — Three members of local punk quartet The Herniated Dicks defied Los Angeles’ stringent coronavirus quarantine guidelines to meet up and rag on…
SAN ANTONIO — Local restaurant Tantos Tacos reopened last week to patrons lined up around the block desperately anticipating the historically ignored house mariachi band…
ESOPUS, N.Y. — The Avengers announced today that they will be making furloughs in order to assist with the gradual reopening of the Avengers Initiative,…
Being locked down in my apartment for the past few months has given me time to reflect on life and how I spend mine. This…
FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. — Quarantined woman Andrea Wolfe admitted today that she prefers Zoom sex sans video with her new boyfriend Brad Mikulski, who…
MINNEAPOLIS — Popular retailer Target sternly pledged to its employees today that any Coronavirus they are exposed to at their stores would be generally the…
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Local woman Frankie Landis exceeded all her previous birthday expectations by somehow still managing to start a drunken fight and lose her…
CHICAGO — A small group of household objects joined together last night to escape an impending and prolonged fucking by the “insatiable lady of the…
NEW YORK — Local two-timer Thomas McGibbons is looking forward to the end of quarantine after being stuck with his second and more annoying family…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk and tall guy Michael Snyder replaced standing in front of his short girlfriend Anna Nelson at shows with standing in…
SAN DIEGO — Thanks to the slowdown in day-to-day police activity, local officer Scott Martinson is now committing abuses of power against members of his…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Streaming giant Hulu announced Tuesday that, due to nationwide stay-at-home orders, fans of the mid-2000s sitcom “Scrubs” now must acknowledge the…
NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm, got out of bed, and…