NEW YORK — A new study by Columbia University has revealed that the most played video game of the COVID-19 pandemic is the pornographic ‘Try…
BALTIMORE — Quarantined family man Arti Hagelstein succumbed today to both boredom and the exotic allure of Thelkkphegorg, the sleep paralysis demon who wakes him…
WASHINGTON — An anonymous source has datamined the United States government and leaked what appears to be future plans for a release of the long…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local polyamorous woman Maris Seitman is now well aware of the misstep she made when choosing to quarantine with her least favorite…
SEATTLE — As a nation shelters inside its homes amidst the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, one opinionated citizen inspired many by taking to his balcony to…
CHICAGO — A panel of experts practicing social distancing across the country are reeling today, following the discovery that it is somehow already 4:05 p.m.…
MADISON, Conn. — Local dad Elliot Chapman announced today that, in addition to keeping six feet of physical distance to flatten the curve of the…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham stole a substantial portion of his daughter’s cereal this morning to help him “stay sharp” for when…
Netflix Orders Two More Weeks of Quarantine So Viewers Can Rewatch and Truly Understand “Tiger King”
Netflix Orders Two More Weeks of Quarantine So Viewers Can Rewatch and Truly Understand “Tiger King”
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix CEO Reed Hastings ordered two more weeks of nationwide quarantine to give subscribers a chance to rewatch and “fully wrap…
MIAMI — Restaurant chain Benihana will offer a full hibachi dining experience, including its trademark onion volcanoes, to customers parked curbside in the wake of…
Other aspects of life do not end just because we’re in some form of quarantine and this includes self care. Wait, did you see that?…
UTICA, N.Y. — Trapped at home for over a week due to the coronavirus, out-of-work waiter Jim Stevens is quickly running out of excuses to…
LOS ANGELES — Ethically non-monogamous couples around the world announced today that open relationships will be closed indefinitely to help ensure social distancing in response…
FLAVORTOWN — Celebrity chef and T.V. personality Guy Fieri was placed under unexpected quarantine due to the coronavirus after arriving in Flavortown this week, bomb-ass…
BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as much as her male friends…