DULUTH, Minn. — Local couple Alice Parker and Shaun McCoy announced the reunification of their relationship today, after having already broken up and reconciled twice over the course of two weeks, annoyed sources close to the couple report.
“Guess what, everyone!?” Parker said during an Instagram live feed. “Shaun and I ate some lunch, and realized we really do love one another and want to make this work. We aren’t the same people we were this morning — Shaun has really matured, and once we’re able to leave the house, I think he’s going to go ring shopping. This has been a real rollercoaster ride for everyone, but we’ve been through it all and we’re ready to take on the world.”
Few felt the couple’s constant relationship changes needed to be broadcast.
“Shaun shared a ‘heartbreak’ Spotify playlist, and then literally two hours later, he posted a new playlist of love songs called ‘Alice In Wonderland,’” said Nichole Ballard, a mutual friend of the couple. “That all happened in-between Alice FaceTiming me from the bathroom, crying and talking about how she’s going to go live with her parents. I know quarantine is hard on everyone and we all need to be doing our best to be there for each other right now, but I’m one more ‘I hope Shaun gets the virus and dies’ text away from blocking her.”
Experts noted there are many struggling relationships during this time.
“Many of these relationships should have ended months ago, but since couples can’t go their separate ways, they get back together — mostly out of boredom,” said relationship counselor Dr. Genevieve Beck. “We are calling these ‘Boomerang Relationships.’ Most likely, once the quarantine is lifted, the relationship will die a necessary death… unless the couple gets pregnant, which frankly, is pretty likely. I feel bad for all the children born around Christmas this year.”
As of press time, Parker and McCoy have broken up again and are negotiating a bathroom and kitchen schedule to avoid being in the same room with one another.