What do you mean nothing?! I’m serious, I will totally drive, hey … hey … HEY! How much would you give me if I used this staple gun on my leg? C’mon, how much? A heavy-duty staple into my thigh for the right price.
Fifty bucks and I’ll do it. Come on, fifty bucks. Fine, thirty. I am ready to go, my hand is on the trigger. I just need you to give the word. Twenty-five. Yes? No? Yes? No? Yes? Okay, fifteen bucks. Last chance, final offer. Fine, I’ll do it anyway but you better give me something.
KA-CHUNK!
AHHH! OH, GOD! Motherfucker! Why did you have me do that? Oohhh fuck, it hurts! That was dumb. That was so dumb. Ohhhhh God! I wanna take the staple out. Should I take it out? What am I supposed to do? I am going to take it out. Ugh, fuck, it’s really in there! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Fuck, look at all that blood! Get me something to stop the bleeding, quick! Ugh, it’s staining my Chucks. Grrrrraaaaagh! No that, that’s my Descendants shirt! A towel, idiot, get a towel! Don’t let the dog lick up the blood. Go on, get outta here, go lay down.
Call my mom … No wait … Don’t call her! It’s bleeding through the towel. Fuck there is so much blood. I can’t look at it or I’ll… hucgk! I’m … I’m gonna throw-up. HUUUUUUGCK! I’m OK, I’m OK, I’m OK.
Related: 3 Surprising Rules Most Straight Edgers Break
Pay up, bro. You owe me fifteen dollars! What do you mean you don’t owe me anything? I did it, didn’t I? I don’t care what you said. I’m not the moron, you’re the moron! At least drive me to urgent care, I think I need sizzcehs … switches … stich…
I’m gettin dizzy. Hmmm, isgettindark. I jusneedto takealittle nap. Leave the cash … on … coffeetable.