TUCSON, Ariz. — Local man Edgar Ruiz admitted today that he would have done things much differently if he knew that the most recent time he did karaoke would be his last, sources close to Ruiz confirmed Thursday.
“I used to go to Schlitt’s for karaoke at least once a week and you could do three, maybe four songs in one night if you’re lucky. But since COVID hit, no one goes out to the bars anymore,” a heartbroken Ruiz lamented. “I guess I just always thought I’d get another chance to sing something else in front of a room full of drunken strangers touching a single, sticky notebook full of song choices while breathing into the same microphone, but it just goes to show you nothing in life is guaranteed. Now, I wake up everyday and have to live with the fact I chose to sing ‘Santeria’ the last time I did karaoke. It’s a real reminder to enjoy each moment we have, and don’t throw away your last song choice on some fucking Sublime.”
Witnesses close to Ruiz reported that their friend has seemed particularly troubled by this realization over the last year.
“I haven’t seen Ed much this year with the pandemic and everything, but whenever we talk he somehow always manages to bring up the karaoke thing,” said friend and former bandmate Alex Shaw. “I suggested he just play it in his car and sing along or something, and he yelled at me about how ‘it’s not the same.’ I haven’t even told him Schlitt’s closed a few months ago because he’s gonna freak out. I’m just grateful my last karaoke song was ‘Crazy Train.’”
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Amanda Mason, feelings of regret are a common reaction to dealing with major life changes.
“Many people around the world are struggling with the notion they could have spent their time differently,” said Dr. Mason. “Sometimes people have to go through real pain to grow as individuals. Hopefully this serves as a wake-up call for Ed and others like him to appreciate each precious moment, because no one wants to be remembered as the guy who sang Sublime at a shitty bar in Tucson.”
“But for now, the best we can do is pray that karaoke doesn’t come back after the pandemic,” she added.