I’m not a religious person or anything, but in some ways I guess I’m just old fashioned. This may not be a popular opinion and it’s certainly not something I would ever try to push on anyone else but for me, I just don’t think two people should acknowledge the fact that their relationship is irreparably damaged until after marriage.
I want the first time I sit down with a woman, look her in the eyes, and say “Is this really working?” to be with my wife, not some random hookup.
In high school, my guy-friends used to tease me because I was the only one in our circle who hadn’t had sex with a girl, fallen head over heels in love with her, and then gradually let some combination of past trauma and external elements painfully and irreversibly drive us apart. But looking back, I feel sorry for those guys. When they get married and inevitably come to terms with the fact that the relationship is no longer working, it’s just gonna be another walk in the park for them. When my bride-to-be and I finally have the big talk, it’s going to be a big deal.
I think about it all the time. We step into our hotel suite bloated and confused having just spent thousands of dollars to have the worst stage fright and anxiety either of us has ever felt. Then we both look at one another, realize that we are the exact same people we were when we woke up that morning, and think to ourselves “Jesus, all that was for… what… this?!” And with any luck, nine months later, we will divorce.
Don’t get me wrong, my fiance and I are not prudes. We have done some things. We have pleasured each other orally. We have had full-on bareback vaginal intercourse. We’ve invited total strangers into our bed for the thrill of it. I just want the moment we finally face the cold reality of the fact that what we have is toxic and unsustainable to be special.
Sure, sometimes I get tired of waiting. Sometimes at night when I’m scrolling endlessly on my phone and she’s rewatching Friends for the third time in a row, each of us silently terrified that one of us will try to talk to or god forbid touch the other, I feel a nearly uncontrollable urge to grab her and say “Dammit Lauren I want you, right here, right now, to leave.”
Hey, if you think I’m too old fashioned, you should try talking to my fiance. She’s still trying to convince me we should wait until we have kids to admit it’s over.