Corey Feldman: Actor, musician, easy cheap shot target. The real news is upsetting and what we all need is a good ole’ fashioned point-and-laugh distraction. Feldman has always been good for two things: churning out garbage and flying off the goddamned handle. Parading this former child star out as some kind of sad-sack freak show is as easy as shooting fish in a barrel, right? Well, as I recently found out the hard way, don’t be so sure.
We caught up with Corey Feldman at his home and it could not have been more mundane. No cringeworthy musical performances, no recovering drug addict blondes in white lingerie, no manic rants about stardom and hollywood pedophile rings, nothing. Just a perfectly polite man asking us to excuse his yoga outfit and offering us beverages. What the fuck?
Here’s a brief snippet from our interview:
HS: So Corey, it seems like critics were none too fond of your most recent album, 2016’s Angelic 2 The Core. How do you feel about that?
CF: (A perfectly grounded self aware response indicative of a realistic expectation of success in pop music so boring I didn’t even bother to write it down).
The whole fucking interview is like that! I dug deep and came at him with some absolutely scathing loaded questions and he handled each and every one with poise, dignity and grace. I have got to be the first reporter in history to catch Corey Feldman on a good day. Just my fucking luck. Seriously, if you read half the shit he said in our interview you might actually wind up liking the guy! Not at all what I was going for.
Now I have to waste another weekend desperately hoping to catch a lame lingerie party or a psychotic episode or something, anything!
Seriously, next time I see Corey Feldman it had better be fucking weird. I’m talking full blown madness. I want him trying to start a super group with Macaulay Culkin and Charlie Sheen!
I want that mother fucker dressed like Michael Jackson freebasing meth while filming a kickstarter video for Lost Boys 3!
This is worse than the time I got to interview Haley Joel Osment and it turned out he was going to college and doing fine.