With its dark tone, complex story arcs, and Shakespearean influence, “Gargoyles” was one of the coolest cartoons of the mid-’90s. What better time to revisit it than today, a day where we just plain don’t feel like getting out of bed? Call out of work, open up a fresh pack of cigarettes and join us as we desperately seek comfort in this action packed slice of nostalgia.
Starring Keith David, Jonathan Frakes, Marina Sirtis, and Edward Asner “Gargoyles” had arguably the most stacked cast of the entire Disney Afternoon lineup. You know what, I’m gonna order up some McDonald’s. Let’s see that’s gonna come to $34.97? I’ve got $36.54 left in my bank account. Perfect.
“Gargoyles” tells the story of Goliath and his band of mythological castle guardians who are betrayed by the very humans they trust the most because that’s just how it fucking goes isn’t it? You can never really trust anybody and nothing fucking works out.
You can pull yourself out of the gutter, get a real job and right when you’re just about back on your feet the sun goes away your brain stops making happy juice and nothing matters. Yup, it’s just like “Gargoyles.”
Wait does my Spotify get charged today? Fuck, this McDonald’s might make me overdraft. Ah, fuck it. Who cares.
Much like me during the cruel and cold winter months, the Gargoyles are fucking useless during the day and restless at night. Man, I wish I could turn to stone. It sounds so peaceful.
The Gargoyles live in a castle on top of a skyscraper with the wealthy capitalist Xanatos, who is also their arch enemy. It is an extremely complicated and uneasy living arrangement, not unlike my own situation here at my sister’s place.
I swear to god if my sister gets on my case about not leaving the fan on when I smoke in the basement I’m going to fucking explode.
Oh, right on cue, here’s an email from my boss telling me it’s “unfortunate” I haven’t been coming in lately and asking me to “touch base” as soon as I am able. Well it’s gonna be a while chief because this cartoon fucking rules. I see no reason to leave this bed let alone step foot out of this house until I have binged all 65 episodes of the original run. Well except to use the bathroom I guess.
Actually, I’m working on a solution to that.
Photo courtesy of Disney Animation