PHILADELPHIA – Local friend and owner of a comfortable and reliable five-seat sedan, Victor Schnellenberger, is planning to quit drinking alcohol and begin a long…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man and stunningly handsome bassist for local indie band Onion Powder, Trevor Anderson, must be absolutely terrible at singing per his non-frontman…
PHILADELPHIA — Local millennial Lauren Toole and her live-in boyfriend Nick McIntyre are making an effort to not argue in front of their new houseplant…
TURNERSVILLE, N.J. — Teenage cannabis user Jared Luzinski was astonished to discover yesterday that ancient human beings once used fire to smoke, baffled sources confirmed.…
PHILADELPHIA — Local resident Daniel Mayfield is now in his 10th consecutive year of waiting to be in a good enough state-of-mind to try LSD,…
As a first-time parent, I struggle with self-doubt. I often question my child-rearing abilities and second-guess my decisions. But whenever these nagging thoughts enter my…
MOULTRIE, Ga. — Local Black man Darius Phillips received an “I Tried to Vote” sticker after waiting in line for over six hours at a…
HERSHEY, Pa. — Divorced father of three Scott Timmons is happy he botched his custody hearing, now that his children no longer attend in-person schooling,…
WASHINGTON — Disturbing new research from the Brookings Institute has found that thousands of young, white men across America are being funneled directly from the…
HAGERSTOWN, Md. — After months of working from home, local parents Ron and Melinda Zimmerman came to the stunning realization yesterday that their teenage son…
PHILADELPHIA — Local bassist Aaron Scherzinger realized today that he only needs to murder two or three of his bandmates to be promoted to frontman,…
WASHINGTON — FBI Agent Raymond Kesler is desperately hoping to avoid assignment to the Bureau’s newly formed TikTok surveillance unit, which would involve following users…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Local Publix shopper Wesley Clemons removed his protective face mask this morning after realizing that no one else in the grocery store…