WASHINGTON — President Trump ironically announced earlier this week that he would be a “law and order” president, despite a lengthy history of criminality, sources…
CINCINNATI — Brent Samuels, widely regarded as a terrible friend and questionable person all around, abruptly suspended his viewing last night of “American History X”…
We can all agree that ska is the worst, right? I mean it’s just kinda silly. All the off-beat guitar, trumpets and trombones, absurd lyrics,…
From his work with 90s industrial metal band White Zombie to his movies, even that silly one with the little person playing an evil clown…
LAFAYETTE, La. — Local guitarist and misanthrope Jeremy Waggoner joined his friend’s band Punted Child earlier this month to avoid any possibility of ever receiving…
Fuck me, really? I mean, I always knew those guys existed. You know the type, blathering on and on about how they saw Lords of…
BOISE, Idaho — Ambitious music school graduate Fritz Stokowski took to the streets with flyers yesterday, advertising auditions for a new, drama-free symphony orchestra, bemused…
We at The Hard Times like to joke about a lot of things, but deceiving the public into believing that you are the World’s Greatest…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local punk and self-proclaimed scene veteran Rory “Iceman” Phillips was denied a free Grand Slam at Denny’s this morning, a perk the…
SAN DIEGO – Several passersby were bewildered yesterday by what must have been a steampunk of some sort, quietly reading a print newspaper by himself…
Look, we’ve all been there. You’ve decided to take a nice, relaxing vacation, sailing by yourself in the middle of the South Pacific, with no…
SAN FRANCISCO — A young San Franciscan couple enjoyed the beginnings of autumn this weekend, relishing the sight of a homeless person in the Mission…
Dear Claire, This letter will probably not come as a shock to you, after your shameless performance at White Castle last night. Frankly, I don’t…
DAYTON, Ohio — The United States of America was embarrassed to admit it accidentally double-booked two mass shootings within 24 hours of each other, sources…
BOISE, Idaho — Touring band Star Monkey traded one of their roadies last night to fellow touring band Tree Destroyer, exchanging him for a new…