Congratulations on your decision to try hallucinogenic drugs! Now that you’ve dropped your bean, things are about to get pretty weird. You will soon lose…
When coronavirus first reared it’s ugly, highly-contagious head, you panicked and started hoarding as many home essentials as you could get your greedy, obsessively-washed hands…
I’m not saying I don’t take COVID-19 seriously, I do. We all need to do our part and self-isolate or the healthcare system could quickly…
Good people of America, heed my battle cry! Don’t let a so-called “pandemic” infringe on your civil liberties! Our rights are being stripped away under…
If I’m not given the option to watch my favorite episodes of “The Simpsons” in their original 4:3 aspect ratio, people will die. I’ve planted…
ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything goes” no-condoms-allowed orgy will be…
Ever since I saw that documentary “Predator” I knew I wanted to be a super elite army guy. I train every day so I will…
Well Christian soldiers, I guess you could call this the ultimate case of “good news, bad news.” Our savior Jesus Christ oh Lord has returned…
With its dark tone, complex story arcs, and Shakespearean influence, “Gargoyles” was one of the coolest cartoons of the mid-’90s. What better time to revisit…
It’s hard to believe that Bright Eyes’ “Fevers and Mirrors” was released almost 20 years ago. It’s even harder to believe that upon revisiting this…
Self care is important. Nothing is more important to me than my own mental well-being, and I will deploy any tool at my disposal to…
In these divided times it takes real courage to go against the grain and stand up for what you believe in. But apparently it’s been…
I don’t understand what happened to this country. Since when did celebrating the greatest British musical import since The Beatles become a crime? How does…
AUSTIN, Texas — Self-proclaimed anarchist punk Craig Garson, who once stabbed a police officer while on LSD, was flabbergasted last night by the latest episode…
NEW YORK — Comedy Central announced the cancelation of “Straight Edge History” last night immediately after it’s inaugural episode aired, citing record-low ratings for a…