YOUR HOUSE — A new report commissioned by Sony states that the PS3 box you’ve been keeping in your closet since 2007, right next to…
DALLAS — Residents of the local punk house The Lincoln Memorial learned yesterday that the white noise machine they thought they’ve been using for the…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Vegan punk Angela Birge debuted yesterday her custom, “completely badass” fruit leather jacket, impressing attendees at a local farmers’ market. “I felt…
DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Local man Jamaal Andie, a.k.a. DJ SKRAMZ, asked several DJs and showgoers last night at the Apex to loan him their…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Rising rents in the Manhattan neighborhood of Hell’s Kitchen have forced the vigilante known as Daredevil to relocate to the much more…
DALLAS – After days of deliberation, scene veteran Preston Lemons still hadn’t decided whether to attend a show at the Nickel and Dime Club that…
MONTREAL — Gildan Activewear has developed new technology enabling band T-shirts to shrink without ever having to be washed, Gildan’s team of scientists announced today…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Audience and band members alike were confused last night when punk band Lieutenant couldn’t decide to whom to dedicate one of their…
NEW YORK — Progressive punk Otto Williams replaced the phrase “bum a cigarette” earlier today with “homeless person a cigarette” in an attempt to be…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 13 ½-year-old punk Bailey Tolbert is in a “full-blown” midlife crisis, unsure what to do with the remaining years she has…
BOSTON — Stanley Remington, the older brother of local punk James “Meatball” Remington, is “doing fantastic,” according to a report issued by the mother of…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — A seemingly random episode of Frasier syncs perfectly with Orchid’s debut album, Chaos Is Me, according to devout screamo fan and self-described…
I can finally admit my mother was right about my clothing, political beliefs, and everything else I had used to define myself as a person…
SEGA has issued the following press release reminding holiday shoppers that there is no shortage of their Mini Saturn Classic units: We here at…
THIS. HAS. TO. STOP. Everyone in this bar knows the jukebox costs $1 per song or $3 for 4 songs. This isn’t a charity. I’m…