NEW YORK — Local depressive Naomi Roman was teetering on the brink of mental collapse Thursday morning until her suicidal thoughts were deterred after she…
Did we just discover the next Greta Thunberg? This 32-year-old environmental conservation warrior is keeping his carbon footprint small by using the same Spider-Man beach…
Being from New Jersey is a personality trait, we get it. You think you’re special because you’ve never pumped your own gas and will physically…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local woman and dedicated shower pisser Esme Hill reportedly held her urine in longer than usual on Tuesday night so she…
TAMPA, Fla. – Local emo singer Dacian Miron was seen in a Chipotle parking lot pathetically begging his girlfriend to dump him over voicemail so…
How could a floppy-eared simp like Roger Rabbit ever score a babe as iconic and sexy as Jessica Rabbit? This question has haunted me since…
LAUREL, Md. — Local emotional person Cara Lucas was interrupted while crying and shouting along to the chorus of Bright Eyes song “Poison Oak” by…
A relationship is a lot like a mixtape. You put a ton of time and effort into making something wonderful to share with the love…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local failure Max Kugler was reportedly sighted practicing his ollies at the Haledon Skate Park on Saturday night in a last-ditch…
HADDONFIELD, Ill. — Serial killer and supernatural force of pure evil Michael Myers insists upon wearing three layers of face masks even after receiving the…
LANGHORNE, Pa. — Local clueless friend Jordan Schmidt overlooked the lifelong trauma of being dumped in the smelly black hole of a Denny’s parking lot…
JACKTOWN, Mich. – Local runner Mason Clement became increasingly fearful for their safety last night while listening to the podcast “My Favorite Murder” for the…
This sound guy can never resist giving unsolicited advice to impressive women who intimidate him with their talent. You never see him offering any advice…
Millennials have been deemed the lazy and entitled generation, but there are a few exceptions. Sure, most of us are still living in our parent’s…
We stan a queen that can achieve the impossible. A bad bitch who can pull off a miracle. A girlboss who can accomplish the Herculean…