BETHESDA, Md. — “Duplicitous catfisher” and clearly regular homo sapien Colleen Jansen disappointed prospective love match Dominic Sabatino yesterday after proclaiming to be a “horse…
So you just serendipitously ran into Jon Hamm at a bar and wouldn’t leave him alone until you made him let you buy a beer.…
HELL — The Devil, legal name Satan, continued the long, bitter litigation with Victory Records founder Tony Brummel today to free his emo band The…
DENVER — Julian Rodriguez, guitarist of Black Sabbath tribute act Supernauts, fought back tears this morning as he purchased a Ryobi circular saw with his…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Smith & Smith Real Estate property photographer Joshua Abernathy regularly receives workplace criticism for his unhelpful photos of rental units, but…
FREDERICK, Md. — Longtime punk band Booger Eater realized yesterday that it’s been over 10 months since they occupied a stage at a local bar…
A global pandemic. Equality uprisings. The removal of Cyberpunk 2077 from the PlayStation store. This is a time of great upheaval. These are the times…
NEW YORK — Progressive post-hardcore band Ganymede’s Gates reportedly realized moments ago that the entirety of their fanbase are “uncool nerds” whom they would never…
Through the aisles of Sam Ash, something grotesque caught my eye. An affront to every moral ever held dear. I feared I was tripping on…
MIAMI — Craft beer obsessive Aaron York was thoroughly confused yesterday by his girlfriend’s request to fill out a personality test that failed to include…
Oh my God, I am so sorry that I somehow missed that text! I mean, I didn’t miss it. I saw it within seconds of…
KING OF PRUSSIA, Pa. — Lonesome guitarist Nelson Owens’s only friendly social relationship is reportedly with popular gear website and mail-order catalog Musician’s Friend, bummed…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Promising guitarist Liam Doughtery’s guitar career was suddenly terminated yesterday after the introduction of the difficult F major barre chord during…
Oh yeah, I remember Skyler. God, I couldn’t stand that dude. He was always blocking me from getting into my locker and fucking with my…
SAN DIEGO — An acquaintance from high school was wondering today if you’d be interested in a really cool opportunity to do some of the…