WASHINGTON — The United States of America utterly failed in its shame-filled attempts today to obscure its bulging, prominent Presidential election, snickering foreign officials reported.…
BAYAMÓN, Puerto Rico — At the Drive-In and The Mars Volta guitarist Omar Rodríguez-López created and released an entire 49-minute prog-punk album in mere seconds…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Local Lowe’s manager Darrell Winchester removed Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan from the store again last week after he spent hours…
PEORIA, Ill. — Friends of Shaun Conner were disappointed but unsurprised as he continually raised the defense stat of his RPG character, cementing his place…
NEW YORK — Overly-confident 24-year-old Matt Baxter convinced himself today that he could hoist a new, king-sized mattress to his 4th floor walk-up apartment all…
MILWAUKEE — White Milwaukee Police Officer Anthony Salatino used the n-word without reservation last night before, during, and after a karaoke performance of a song…
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has forced R&B group Blackstreet to disclose that their 1996 hit song “No Diggity” may…
CUMBERLAND, Md. — Local man David Englund sealed his own disastrous fate earlier today by reportedly dismissing a friend’s offer of a spearmint Altoid on…
So there I was at a socially un-distanced party at a buddy’s lake house when someone asked if anyone has heard good new music. This…
You can’t make it 5 minutes online these days without seeing some smug, pale Ben Shapiro- or Charlie Kirk-type screaming in your face about how…
If Jimi Hendrix opened the door to what could be done on an electric guitar, Eddie Van Halen split-kicked that door in. This led to…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich are reportedly not bothering to…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A new podcast by an Indiana University-Bloomington sophomore created to discuss emerging math rock bands abruptly switches between being so quiet as…
LOS ANGELES – Indie pop band Sour Bitch Kids learned this morning that the hours they spent practicing their songs with ever decreasing volume were…
By its very definition, not everyone can be an alpha male. While I choose to surround myself exclusively with fellow alphas, I realize that there…