ST. LOUIS — Acquaintances of chronically fatigued punk Anthony Mafodda are reportedly perplexed by the rocker’s nocturnal habit of sheathing each individual point of his…
NEW YORK — The Lower East Side crust punk scene is gripped by debate over the credibility veteran scene icon Bradley “Lice” Skeever, who is…
BOSTON — The musical credentials of Berklee College of Music-trained pianist Bryan Adkins were called into question after it was revealed he doesn’t even know…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — Horrified readers across the nation are reporting highly anticipated fantasy novel Obelisk of Dawn is packed with awful songs. “Sing for the…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Members of the band Temporary Joy were unaware that their perfectly soundproof practice space is also slowly killing them due to the…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local car enthusiast Daniel Wagner learned yesterday that his customized 1998 Honda Civic is not yet “classic” enough to earn him respect…
NEW YORK — The Hard Times ran out of small print and medium-sized print copies of their new book, “The Hard Times: The First 40…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Edison High School was set ablaze with speculation last week that it’s gym teacher, Douglas Vesely, might actually be legendary hardcore frontman…
GREENVILLE, S.C. — A local Dungeons and Dragons group is being torn apart by player Martin Bellamy’s insistence on swishing their dice around in their…
RENO, Nev. — A tense stand-off between a grizzled bouncer armed with a rubber stamp and a punk nursing a brand-new hand tattoo held up…
CARY, N.C. — Following recent developments with Ooblets and other titles, Epic Games have announced a change to their exclusivity contracts, adding free witness protection…
BUTTE, Mon. — Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders wore a T-shirt at his rally yesterday featuring local Councilman Albert Beniman, who’d opened the rally with a…
MILWAUKEE — Scorned martial artist Ryan Bradford attended a hardcore show at the Cat Box last night, seeking retribution against the crowdkiller who murdered his…
Alright, Game Freak: what the fuck do you think you are doing not bringing the National Dex to Pokémon Sword and Shield? Are you trying…
MIDDLETOWN, Del. — Local Middletown police are reportedly searching for any excuse to justify the use of a brand new tank the United States government…