DALLAS — Amidst growing uncertainty and financial stress due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the cash-strapped restaurant and video arcade establishment Dave & Buster’s announced their…
WASHINGTON — Continuing his trend of bucking universally accepted social norms, President Donald Trump today announced his refusal to pass the controller to anybody else,…
SAN FRANCISCO — Facebook has debuted a new feature that allows users to revert their profiles to Facebook Classic for 48 hours by clicking a…
A young man came up to me while I was golfing yesterday, and said, “Mr. Trump, your Nazi socialist secret police force is,” blah blah…
WASHINGTON — A broken and sobbing Eric Trump choked down a seventh consecutive can of Goya beans this morning after a week of publicly binging…
POLYNESIAN ISLAND — Self-proclaimed villain Bixby “Moggie Man” Middlegrift took extra pains to ensure his new lair would be built with “extra wide” air vents,…
BOSTON — An unidentified looter was seen breaking into a Gamestop early Friday morning and absconding with over 300 empty video game cases, according to…
LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit TV show “Breaking Bad” admitted today that although they hadn’t yet murdered Aaron Paul, the man who…
SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS — Professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft admit they’re struggling with teaching students remotely via Zoom several months into a devastating outbreak of…
Somewhere along the way, my Facebook newsfeed changed from being a fun place to ogle bikini pics from girls I knew in high school, to…
Given that we’ve been in some sort of recession or another ever since I’ve been old enough to know the word “republican,” it’s time we…
Weeks of shelter-in-place left one unlucky man’s sleep schedule completely turned around! James Walters, a thirty-year-old father of one and the only person on the…
Now that Disney has released the Rise of Skywalker film and novelization, it feels like everybody has already made a “definitive” ranking of every Star…
WASHINGTON — Presidential hopeful, and supposed socialist, Bernie Sanders selfishly won his third state during the democratic primary and seems completely unwilling to share the…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — Democratic Presidential candidate Andrew Yang explained his promise to ensure Universal Basic Exposure to every band in America at the Democratic debate…