The planet is dying, ya’ll. If we don’t act soon even the sickest venues will be entirely underwater and/or perpetually on fire. These are the…
LOS ANGELES — Actor Kumail Nanjiani took to the internet recently to show off his new muscle-bound physique and talk about his fitness routine, confirming…
I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty good-looking guy. You wouldn’t hire me to model in GQ or anything, but I’ve heard a lot…
It starts earlier every year. The lights, the music, the “harmless” lies that make children think the world gives a damn about their little wants…
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. — Local guitarist Rochelle Yearwood received an “amazing” coupon this morning, giving her 15% off any product at Guitar Center as long…
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Local guitarist Joel Svensson admitted yesterday that he bought the recently released JHS OrcGrinder pedal primarily based on its cool name and…
WASHINGTON — A new study released last week by the Pew Research Center suggests that nearly 12% fewer Americans identify as Christ reborn compared to…
NEW YORK — Mariner Books, the publisher of “The Hard Times: The First 40 Years,” announced Friday their intention to release an audiobook version to…
MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Local sous chef Timothy Devino tried to cheer up his potentially depressed girlfriend Jordan Meyer yesterday by serving her breakfast, lunch, and…
BALTIMORE — Self-described “literary punk” Candy Huang reported today that although she’d read about the groundbreaking book, “The Hard Times: The First 40 Years,” she…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Health-conscious punk Stacey “Skaggs” Bellamy will no longer drive her rusted-out cargo van to purchase illicit substances, but will instead bike…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — President Donald Trump reportedly spent Wednesday morning roaming Mar-a-Lago Resort pining for the days when America consistently put out work that,…
I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty positive guy. A bird craps in my eyes, I’m like, “At least I have another eye.” When…
HARRISONBURG, Va. — Local punk and obvious alcoholic Marcia Fries announced moments ago that despite consuming nearly a dozen cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer…
WASHINGTON — The National Rifle Association demanded today fewer restrictions surrounding the purchase and use of U.S. senators, in response to growing calls across the…