You hear it every day: opinions from all of the darkest corners of the internet, that there’s just no way to break into mainstream success…
SEATTLE — Adorable old english sheepdog and total noob, Pancakes, blew the only slot in his extremely limited inventory on a single frisbee, disappointed sources…
NEW YORK — Local drivers and pedestrians too busy looking at their phones to watch where the fuck they’re going consciously updated the reserved bike…
Life sure is a trip. One minute you’re trying to drive and eat a comically oversized pretzel at the same time and the next minute…
Every moment of this waking nightmare that calendars call “2020” has been full of hair-pulling, heart-wrenching, tooth-gritting despair. My friend told me her therapist suggested…
JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular vegetarian burger contained trace amounts…
Ol’ St. Nicholas is right around the corner, coming to spread his good cheer across the planet. In his workshop every year, hundreds of elves…
SEATTLE — A “Buffy the Vampire Slayer Party” group chat has allegedly devolved months after Halloween into an increasingly incomprehensible conversation full of inside jokes,…
Let me just start this one off by saying I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what’s happening in this basement tonight. The opening band…
Alright, bigshot. I get it; you just wanted to go out and have a nice time with your friends, but something about this establishment rubbed…
Modest Mouse is a band regarded with critical praise for their unique sound, which is mostly a lot of mechanical scraping and shouting into the…
Jeff Rosenstock has been an icon of DIY performance for almost 25 years. With his hands in projects from every genre, Rosenstock has dedicated his…
Hey God. It’s me. Again. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked but I need your help. Lately, a lot of people have…
We are living in a golden age of suffering. My generation has filled too long the goblet of misery and now our cup runneth over.…
Hey! It’s me, you know, from Twitter? Remember, earlier? I retweeted an article about climate change, you called me a “liberal virgin slut,” and then…