CHICAGO — In anticipation of the upcoming 2022 release of Splatoon 3, first-time player Bryan Skritcherson has begun the long process of researching series lore.…
NEW YORK — Tempers flared at city hall today as both sides made their opinions known about the potential addition of a giant glowing ramp…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Duke University mathematics professor Richard Hardens shocked and awed the academic world today by publishing his incredibly horny, but accurate proof, finally…
Career planning is increasingly becoming a priority for young Americans. In an era of bad housing and job markets, a bachelor’s degree isn’t as alluring…
We all know important science adults say we need be inside. We all know be inside help no get sick, ‘specially help cranky old mommies…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — Homeowner Kris Mullens, 47, reportedly keeps a 3D printer design for a gun under his pillow in case anyone ever breaks into…
NEW YORK — A team of dungeon crawlers were horrified after spending hours to conquer a local dungeon, only to find it completely ransacked. “I…
T’ARTHAR DESERT — A team of local heroes found themselves in distress recently, after a level 26 necroscorpion murdered beloved party member Ringkoo, requiring an…
ELKTON, Md. — The audience at Saturday night’s The Foothold Precinct show proved to be physically unable and unwilling to give it up for themselves…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Talented up-and-coming mosher Kurt Scalloway is unable to participate in hardcore activities for roughly one month, after doctors and cobblers confirmed he…
LOS ANGELES — In a rare sporting event, NBA All-Star Anthony Davis has evolved into Anthochamp Davis this afternoon, after being traded from the New…
PITTSBURGH — Fans watching local math rock guitarist Steve Sanchez’s performance last night were split on whether the musician is a “once-in-a-lifetime talent” or “complete…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Mickey Smith, the drummer of local rock band Forager Hunt, asked lead guitarist Charlie Palone yet again last night to turn around…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The California Department of Food and Agriculture approved a program yesterday allowing nü-metal scientists to test potential gene manipulation of indigenous KoЯn,…