SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — Rookie police officer and self-proclaimed klutz Ofc. Dennis Barton totally embarrassed himself this morning, spilling an entire cup of coffee all…
AKRON, Ohio — Local cop Officer Ryan Kowalcyzk admitted he is having a tough time separating the assault he commits at work from the assault…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — The long-forgotten can of Campbell’s Cream of Celery soup in the back of a local kitchen cupboard knew the day would arrive…
ST. LOUIS — Exhausted grocery store cashier Adina Decker is anxiously awaiting the day the coronavirus panic-buying subsides and she can go back to just…
NEW ORLEANS — Self-care experts around the world suggest that everyone try to take a break from the frequent stress-crying done quietly in their bathrooms,…
Detroit resident Megan Munoz is a multimedia artist, local activist, musician, and dedicated philanthropist who is best known as “the girl who dates that dude…
HOUSTON — Confused guy and self-described “gym rat” Hunter Brooks habitually motioned today for a woman at a local Planet Fitness to remove her N95…
FLATWOODS, Ky. — Local woman and sloppy-wasted friend Kara Stanley offered a play-by-play account moments ago of the “absolute ass-kicking” she would’ve given that dude…
JACKSON, Miss. — A recent tarot card reading from obviously hungover woman Divina Roth was actually little more than a recount of the Ross/Rachel storyline…
CARSON CITY, Nev. — 63-year-old punk Ardith “Ardie” Keith cannot believe you haven’t heard of obscure local band Frankie and The Pussies, who broke up…
DOG HEAVEN — Several dogs awaiting entry into the big, grassy field in the sky are being forced to wait patiently until Dog St. Peter…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Local woman and “legitimate fucking moron who acts like she’s better than everyone all of a sudden” Wendy Montoya allegedly enacted some…
FAIRHOPE, Ala. — A badly faded tattoo bearing a barbed wire design aided local investigators in identifying a recently deceased woman as “probably about 19-years-old…
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. — Local punks and new parents Desi Stark and Darion Foster look forward to using their newborn baby Shea as the perfect…
PFLUGERVILLE, Texas — Local woman Shelby Cardenas handled a semi-regular 2 a.m. scroll through her ex-girlfriend Melissa Hannan’s Instagram page with the focus and careful…