KENOSHA, Wisc. — 15-year-old Mark Hall reportedly believes he has picked the perfect place to stand during an all-ages hardcore show today at VFW Post…
BOSTON — Local music patron Claras Deacon called the Boston Police Department last night to report an out-of-place backpack repeatedly smashing into her face and…
JOPLIN, Miss. — Weapons aficionado Douglas Han has begun taking extra shifts at his fast food job to acquire what he calls his “most badass…
KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today the Nintendo String, their new voice-chat product for multiplayer games. The String, a new communication device consisting of two…
PITTSBURGH — Rumor mills are churning after 9-year-old nephew Kevin Cott claimed privileged information about an unannounced Nintendo game at a family get-together last weekend,…
WASHINGTON — Following the kidnapping of President Donald J. Trump by the dreaded DragonNinja, America’s usual first responders—Bad Dudes Steven “Blade” Moskowitz and Joshua “Striker”…
HUNTINGTON, N.Y. — Members of the Colombo family have successfully hidden their marijuana use from each other for years despite being open about it with…
TORONTO — Legendary rocker Geddy Lee crashed his giant owl into the CN Tower last night, which left authorities scrambling in the aftermath of the…
BOSTON — Local band Silent Lookout entered an existential crisis last week after lead singer Martin Vanzant began treatment for his long-standing depression, sources familiar…
HOBOKEN, N.J. — New Jersey-based band The Red Rainbows regularly claim to be from “the city” when touring outside of the Tri-state area, according to…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — A recently summoned Death Cab was not intended for Cutie, but actually reserved for a customer named Mark, according to the…
DALLAS — The FBI’s Hostage Rescue Team was condemned by civil liberties advocates today for their “needless use of force” in removing the many-membered music…
Despite decades of questioning, SEGA, the producers of the Sonic franchise, have reiterated that they will not answer one of gaming’s greatest questions: Where does…
HAMILTON, N.Y. — Colgate University freshman and practicing Buddhist Devin Fredericks achieved a spiritual milestone last week after purchasing a poster from the campus bookstore…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Local stoner metal band Soundmurder are making “painful” sacrifices to accommodate a tedious, sober search for a new day job following their…