WASHINGTON — A new commission on Socializing, Relationships & Dating released a 105-page report determining that a breakup still counts between two romantically involved parties,…
ATLANTA — The combination of warmer temperatures and the accelerated vaccine rollout headed into Summer will lead to a sharp and dramatic increase of texts…
PITTSBURGH — Your ex-boyfriend Jake Doherty’s new girlfriend, Sara Michaels, will receive the vaccine for the novel coronavirus before you, placing hundreds of millions of…
Guy with Pavement Lyrics on Tinder Profile Looking for Obscure but Critically Acclaimed Relationship
Guy with Pavement Lyrics on Tinder Profile Looking for Obscure but Critically Acclaimed Relationship
CHICAGO — Local Pavement fan Nathan Matthews added Pavement lyrics to his Tinder profile yesterday, hoping to attract a woman with the same exact hyper-specific…
MASPETH, N.Y. — Skull Valley frontman Jeremy Cesiro is worried his underage girlfriend would be put in danger by her returning to high school in…
NEW YORK — U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez became the first woman in the history of humankind last week to be encouraged to turn 35, the…
LOS ANGELES — Multiple exes of musician Fiona Apple coincidentally texted her at the same time yesterday for no real reason they could think of…
PHILADELPHIA — A house show headlined by local shoe gaze group No Holes Barry reached new and dismal lows of attendance this past weekend, reportedly…
LAS VEGAS — Local punk Jenny Klepski’s eyes were badly strained last night by focusing on the small print lineup at the bottom of a…
PHILADELPHIA — The biggest fan of local indie rock band Cash Only is reportedly Kevin Estrada, a close friend who doesn’t have an ounce of…
CHICAGO — Local man Tom Bencin, who recently spent $35 on a Pussyslaughter T-shirt that reads “#1 PUSSY MURDERER” in giant letters, has not yet…