UNITED STATES — 2021 calendars across the country report that Christmas is only 183 mass shootings away, sources who are counting down the days from…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local man and dedicated Al’s Automotive supporter Brian Crespi was shocked and devastated to learn that the mechanic he sees regularly…
DOYLESTOWN, Pa. — Local sous chef and frequent masturbater Kyle Myers would not pause his jerk-off session Monday when his cat, Mittens, crawled across his…
SAN FRANCISCO — Members of local punk band Loogie Howser are eager to return to their bustling itinerary of playing nearly three shows a year,…
HOBOKEN, N.J. — Therapist Brandon Carr wished yesterday that his patient would stop “bringing the vibe down with all the dead dad talk” during a…
DENVER — Local man Cory McCann is ready to settle down and meet “the one” person he’ll spend the rest of the year with, or…