DALLAS — Local punk Denny “Wart” Morrill surprised fellow Dallas Marathon runners yesterday by shitting himself at the very beginning of the race, leaving many…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local death metal enthusiast Cooper Dempsey realized that the lyrics to Cannibal Corpse’s 1994 classic “Fucked With a Knife” might be a…
WASHINGTON — Legendary frontman and Airbnb Superhost Ian Mackaye was confused last week when a couple renting a room in his legendary Dischord House didn’t…
A Non Playable Character who seems mostly responsible for pushing around medical equipment in the background cut-scene of porter meeting his mom has told sources…
LONDON — “Black Mirror” show creator Charlie Brooker admitted today that he’s struggling to conceive of the scariest thing a rogue FitBit could do as…
TAMPA, Fla. — Supporters of indie rock band Under Capricorn breathed a collective sigh of relief today when abuse allegations leveled against the band were…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A half-built, dilapidated mini ramp in the backyard of aging skateboarder Roy Balderaz’s home is a lasting reminder of the strained relationship…
SALINAS, Calif. — Local punk Jack Hunter was upset yesterday in learning that he was being named Platt Electric Supply’s “Employee of the Month,” despite…
POMONA, Calif. — Local straight edger Dave Bower drank every non-alcoholic beverage intended for use as a mixer last night during his roommate’s 21st birthday…
ROSSITER, Pa. — Your long-term girlfriend Lisa Sandoval found your recent Instagram activity “kinda funny” and “a little weird, if I’m being honest” late Tuesday…
DANVILLE, Calif. — Local man Owen Nelson was completely convinced last night that the entire world is run by an elite cabal of billionaire financiers…
CORAL SPRINGS, Fla. — New Found Glory frontman Jordan Pundik reported he’s no longer motivated to write lyrics about teenage breakups, instead focusing on the…
CHICAGO — A beloved crust punk belonging to the Donovan family died last night on a United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Chicago after…
PACIFICA, Calif. — A Regal Cinemas gift card was transferred last night to a third wallet without once being used despite still carrying a $50…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — 37-year-old web developer and former Fashioncore devotee Kelvin Robbins once again today chose against donating his white studded belt to Goodwill, due…