SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…
Ugh. Give us a second. Just a second. Our fucking head. This fucking sucks. Why did we think it would be a good idea to…
I consider myself a pretty accomplished dude. Though I must confess that many times in my life, I have been called upon to pump up…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead, avid corpse paint donner and frequent leather pants wearer Zachary Petrosyan is reportedly fed up with constantly being mistaken for a…
Every morning, I wake up and lay in bed, thinking about how my day is going to go while listening to the birds sing their…
ATLANTA — Local man Chris Mitchell reportedly is only willing to vote for a candidate who will immediately restrict, hinder and ultimately completely bar him…
CHICAGO — Local man Shaun Clemens is reportedly planning to spend St. Patrick’s Day in his usual leprechaun costume, drinking alone in his room this…
There comes a time in a man’s life in which he starts to wonder if he can ever truly be happy. No matter how much…
Fast food is all about reliability, but sometimes you crave something new and exciting. That’s why we’re sharing six mind-blowing hacks you can use to…
LOS ANGELES — Filmmaker and occasional musician Rob Zombie has completed an exhaustive search of over 1,000 actresses to star in his latest film, ultimately…
Quiz time! Pop-punk makes you feel alive, and there’s nothing like screaming along to your favorite lyrics about how the lead singer got dumped! If…