Time to turn those frowns upside down my little worker bees, because THERE IS A DOG IN THE OFFICE TODAY!!!! A real, four-legged fur baby…
Maybe it’s unfair to blame Slayer for their fans’ wild, destructive behavior but it is an undisputed fact that every single Slayer fan is an…
WASHINGTON — Presidents Donald Trump and Bill Clinton both denied reports today claiming they were backstage at Warped Tour ’97 partying and “checking out the…
BECKETT RIDGE, Ohio — Suburban punk Adam Kincaid spotted yesterday an unopened, full price and unexpired package of Sargento string cheese at his friend’s house,…
EVANSTON, Ill. — A group of friends who have been “practically inseparable” since their freshman year of high school are looking forward to hanging out…
DETROIT — A group of squatting punks became unwitting participants in the eternal struggle of man-versus-nature last week, as each side fought to reclaim an…
JACKSON, Miss. — Loyal Smiths fan Jaden Woods is desperately pushing a conspiracy theory that the real Morrissey died decades ago, and the politically controversial…
NEW YORK — An alarming new study conducted by a research panel of angry baby boomers found that 82% of millennials can not locate Paradise…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Guitarist Loyd Schneider raced back and forth between two different venues last night after booking shows with his hardcore band The…
BALTIMORE — Self-proclaimed beer snob Jeremy Drika pretended last night to thoughtfully peruse the beer list at a local brewpub before picking solely based on…
BOSTON — A legendary and possibly mythical mosher was allegedly spotted last night enjoying a four-course French meal in the pit a hardcore show without…
TUCKER, Ga. — Punk Ollie Boyer turned around a framed photo on his nightstand last night of punk rock icon and notoriously judgemental dude Henry…
SARASOTA, Fla — Local man Daniel Mulrennan made a potentially friendship-damaging mistake moments ago, blurting out, “I can’t make it” before his friend even said…
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Local punk Niles Torsten displayed the “LOV” and “HAT” tattoos on his gnarled fingers last night while warning partygoers about improper…
ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Teenage punk and C+ student Geoff Berger was given a second yearbook photo this week to accommodate his 18-inch high, multi-colored…