By 1969, the Chipmunks had hit a creative and commercial brick wall, with the public seemingly sick of rodent-based novelty songs. The band and manager…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Real-deal, bloodsucking vampire Count Adhemar Chauve-Souris was vehemently dismissed as a poser today by mall goths he was recruiting for his gaggle…
LODI, N.J. — A group of neighborhood kids scattered and hid for the rest of the afternoon yesterday after their baseball accidentally smashed “crazy old…
LUBBOCK, Texas — Aging punk and amateur life coach Robbie Ginsburg was charged today with criminal negligence after authorities discovered four of his mentees died…
MESA, Ariz. — Local man Jeffrey Woodward is running out of good sides of his mouth to chew with, thanks to his lack of dental…
CINCINNATI — Advertising account rep Danny Quintana has been forever saddled with the nickname “Nickelback” after admitting to coworkers 15 years ago that he sort…
BOSTON — Local dad and tire store manager Dennis Bowman broke his nearly three-year social media silence today by posting, “Outback Steakhouse near me” as…
WARRINGTON, Pa. — Local man Bryan Walsh is terrified and “jumping to insane conclusions” this morning after his father, commercial electrician Murray Walsh, cryptically said…
[Ed note: Leaving the Iggy Pop obit in the draft folder. Great idea to get this written up ahead of time. I mean, have you…
Many of us tend to put rock stars and touring musicians on pedestals. But the truth is, the music industry is rife with unscrupulous, unsavory,…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A small, unorganized local collection of punks, transients, and drug addicts with minimal artistic ability and motivation keep referring to themselves as…
PHILADELPHIA — Local woman Juliana Azzara passed the four hours waiting for her train last night by asking a man at a nearby dive bar…
NEW YORK — The highly anticipated Ramones “Word of the Day” calendar was released yesterday, which disappointed but unsurprised fans found repeats itself by mid-March…
Has this ever happened to you? It’s Saturday night and you’re at some fancy Italian place munching on Endless Salad and Breadsticks. The waiter brings…
FUCK FUCK FUCK: Internet Tough Guy Also Actual Tough Guy
DETROIT — Reddit user Gary Johannson accidentally messed yesterday with the one tough guy on the Internet who wasn’t lying, unintentionally putting Johannson in the…