SAN FRANCISCO — Retired senior citizen Roger Jenkins completely lost touch with the youth in his community by falling behind on their newly appropriated lingo,…
DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Fucking big shot Maria Richards felt the need to dazzle everyone by packing the dressers in her hotel room with neatly…
One of the most sacred rituals a person can perform for themselves is the practice of yoga. A yogi is at one with their mind,…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Self-proclaimed sapiosexual man Chad Manning reportedly finds himself attracted to or aroused by intelligent and well-informed women, but only if their opinions…
HOUSTON — Local “hot mess” Terri Garter is confident she found the long-awaited solution to get her life back on track in a $20 daily…
I hate authority. From cops to judges to teachers to politicians, I flat out refuse to partake in bootlicking of any form. This tongue will…
Big government is plotting to take away our rights as American citizens, like eating at local restaurants and licking strangers. Recently I joined a new…
We took a trip out to one of the most active cities in America right now, Portland. It became too much to sit by and…
ATLANTA — Local record collector and vinyl enthusiast Annie Gordon flipped her pancake to “side B” yesterday, taking extra time to carefully and dutifully prepare…
PITTSBURGH — In an act of intense rage, local toddler Timmy “TJ” Orosco, Jr. set fire to his tiny pajamas which were adorned with characters…
I’m not like other moms, you know. Sure, I pick up my kids from soccer practice on Thursday afternoons, and every night I cook for…
People are always coming after my friend Steve for being “racist,” but I prefer to think of him as “descriptive.” There’s nothing wrong with a…
Over the past few years we’ve called out, canceled, impeached, and even jailed some of America’s most toxic and evil people but we still have…