TORONTO — 29-year-old Jazmyn Elliot thought she was falling in love yesterday until she realized she was instead aroused simply from needing to urinate, according…
Local hero and feminist icon Rafael Moran showed up today at the Women’s March to speak out against the patriarchy, and speak out he did!…
CLEVELAND — Local woman and total poser Brandi Herrera could not recall her moon sign yesterday when asked, despite her identifying as a lesbian, according…
Look, as the frontman of the band, I am the visionary—and vision—holding this band together. Crusty Vag would just be some instrumental study music if…
I used to be a God-fearing man. A real fire-and-brimstone buff. But my faith in God aged just as poorly as my tattoo of Christian…
FARGO, N.D. — Account manager Jamie Duncan is in disbelief that she will lose everything in her upcoming split from the mid-level job she has…
We all know self-absorbed people. These one-sided relationships wear us down and deplete our resources. It is a person’s actions, not age, that should determine…
CARLSBAD, N.M. — Avid Tinder user Myles Soto enjoyed playing Devil’s advocate last night while his date begged him to empathize with her most painful…
You may say there’s no such thing as Santa, but me and my Grandpa, we believe. We know all to well that jolly old son…
KIRBY, Wyo. — Local woman Madison Fuller announced today via multiple social media platforms that she is expecting to be a MILF sometime around mid-June…
DALLAS — Singer-songwriter and registered sex offender Wilfred Barton announcded his first tour dates at a press conference held yesterday afternoon since pleading guilty to…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — 41-year-old punk Kaira Rojas is concerned her new drug dealer is ripping her off, paying increasingly high prices for medication she needs…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Beta cuck Seth Armitage watched helplessly from the side of his wife Nadia’s hospital bed last Thursday as cancer totally fucked…
NANUET, N.Y. — Local woman Namya Gupta, the fiancé of indie-rock band Oxford Drama’s songwriter and guitarist, fully believes she is the inspiration behind the…
INDIANAPOLIS — Oskar Wesley, the 15-year-old frontman of the winner of the 2019 Indianapolis Public School System Battle of the Bands, announced in an interview…