Look, I know that these days everyone goes around acting like they’re President of the Sodom and Gamera fan club. I see their merch everywhere,…
PITTSBURGH — Local Instagram user Charlie Guerrero found a distressed message at the bottom of her feed yesterday, stating that she had consumed all of…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 30-year-old and former band girlfriend Jenna Nuccio was delighted to realize yesterday that she’s finally aged out of dating local musicians,…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Punk house staple and eight-year-old tabby cat Fat Vince Neil became the highest contributing member of his household last night by…
MARQUETTE, Mich. — Local resident Jessica Stabley recently watched 85 episodes of a television series she doesn’t even like, purely due to quarantine-induced boredom, sources…
TOLEDO, Ohio — Local crust punk Gabe Cox is tremendously worried that “radical left” gun control policies will result in his favorite accessory, a belt…
PHILADELPHIA — Local band The Shit Kickers condemned their second place prize and disputed the accuracy of the applause-o-meter today at Battle of the Bands…
LANSING, Mich. — Local punk Diana Spalsbury purchased 100 boxes of semi-permanent hair dye yesterday, just for the pair of disposable gloves that come inside…
Customers can be a little adorably obtuse sometimes. They love to ask questions that are already answered by posted signs, saying “must be free” when…
DETROIT — Local woman and anxiety-haver Amanda Hamilton was spotted yesterday weighing all possible options for her evening plans before ultimately deciding to do nothing…
DETROIT — Local pothead Sarah Murphy’s distress after encountering a spoiler of a movie she planned on seeing was immediately relieved after she forgot what…
BISBEE, Ariz. — Self-proclaimed punk sommelier and admitted problem-drinker Tegan Nixon strongly recommended that wine drinkers avoid Franzia made after 2015, “unless they wanna look…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Married couple Dave and Sarah Dyer allegedly conceived and birthed a newborn child on purpose within the last year, subsequently horrifying…
TACOMA, Wash. — Newlyweds Jane and Dalton Davis opted not to travel home for Thanksgiving, choosing instead to host a “Friendsgiving” and incidentally ensuring they’d…
These days it’s no secret that self-care is of the utmost importance. Recently, there’s been a lot of talk about removing toxic people from your…