It’s been a good thirty-odd years of screw-ups, so now seems like as good a time as any to review them in inscrutable detail because…
We Look Back at All of Our Past Failures Because We Just Spilled a Full Beer Goddammit What the Fuck
TOPEKA, Kan. — Self-proclaimed “world’s biggest Pearl Jam fan” Danica Young’s entire musical identity was stripped from her yesterday after discovering that her only CD…
LONDON — Queen Elizabeth II announced today that she will knight either Liam or Noel Gallagher of famed 90s Britpop group Oasis to quell her…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local pop-punk group Dorm Room Philosophers reportedly fought over songwriting technique yesterday while recording their new album, accusing guitarist Trey Adams of…
The year was 2004 and we were a freshman in high school. While most focused on the defining cultural moment of the year—“Napoleon Dynamite” redefining…
SACRAMENTO — Local band Meerkat Infanticide has asked Die Society, the headliners of today’s PUNKDEMIK streamed benefit show, to allow them to use their Zoom…
ORLANDO — Disney World announced Friday that they’ve been working closely with the creators and producers of “Westworld” to make the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local father Daniel Mercer had no choice but to rewatch the oft-overlooked ’90s sitcom “Becker” yesterday after murdering and consuming his wife…
FLINT, Mich. — Officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Friday afternoon that Flint, Mich. residents should use only soap when washing…
Look, I get it: January is a time for fresh beginnings, exciting challenges, and character building; a time to evaluate the person you have been…
It’s no secret that the rise of technology has furthered the generational divide dramatically. This new generation blatantly ignores the past with the foolhardy presumption…
I have been Stephen Colbert’s biggest fan ever since the fresh-faced young star first burst onto the scene in 2015, taking over for David Letterman…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Self-described “Green Day guru” Andrew Sullivan felt heavily disrespected by Kerrang Magazine yesterday after they published an article titled “50 Things You…
LOS ANGELES — Matt Skiba, guitarist and vocalist for celebrated pop-punk bands Alkaline Trio and Blink-182, emailed his resume this morning to Northern California punk…
CHICAGO — A federal judge ruled Monday afternoon that all emo kids who were profoundly affected in some way by a Victory Records release are…