PORTLAND, Ore. — Doom metal veterans Flaccid Obelisk is selling coupons for a full vehicle inspection with a complimentary oil change as exclusive merch items…
CHICAGO — Local man and self-proclaimed foodie Harry Blanks unhinged his jaw like a Burmese Python in order to take a bite of the coveted…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Aging punk and generally anxious person in a Misfits T-shirt Hollie Wallace parked super far away from teenagers hanging out at a…
BROOKLYN — Local stoner metalhead Graham Wyatt overslept this morning after a night of drinking and weed smoking, which caused him to run a “‘Dopesmoker’…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local punk Toni “Skwerm” Malloy was disappointed to find out yesterday that she only budgeted enough for 75% of the bars in…
CHEEKTOWAGA, N.Y. — Local dad Steven Vuong interrupted a heartfelt conversation early yesterday evening to let family members know he liked a commercial that was…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local metalhead Kevin Miller turned the volume down on his amp from 11 to 10 earlier this morning in a clear indicator…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal band Goop has reunited after seven years apart to release a boring, flavorless craft beer dubbed “Goop Soup,” disappointed fans…
Every day I see the mailman and I am transfixed. Every day I imagine the sound of empty bottles clinking around in that truck as…
We had the opportunity to talk with Mastodon and get the nitty-gritty of what they had to deal with getting up during the Pleistocene Epoch.…
IMPERIAL BEACH, Calif. — A punk shark known to terrorize beachgoers attacked a scuba diver by ripping the sleeves off his wetsuit earlier today, Coast…
MONTREAL — PornHub I.T. guy Dewey Palmer helped a fellow employee troubleshoot their malfunctioning computer this morning by suggesting they “jack the computer off, then…
BROOKLYN — Quarantined punk Lex Sykes took to his own bathroom last week to practice his vandalism skills due to the ongoing closures of bars…
NEW YORK — Dr. Mark Miller turned down a homemade mask today that could help protect him from COVID-19 after seeing that it featured album…
WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD It’s not very often we get such a cataclysmic symbiosis of metal and tomfoolery in one cult classic movie, and when…