Press "Enter" to skip to content

Don’t Judge Me Based on My Punchable Face, Judge Me Based on My Punchable Personality

Judgments based on sight alone are detrimental to our society. I am personally persecuted on a daily basis all because of my extremely punchable face. That’s not fair. People should judge me based on my extremely punchable personality.

There are LOTS of reasons to want to hate me. My face is the least legitimate one. So what if I have a permanent smirk and my eyebrows are always raised as if to say, “What gives you the right to talk to me?” That’s not a reason to hate someone. You can hate me, however, based on the fact that I just asked you, “What gives you the right to talk to me?”

That would be fair.

What’s not fair is you thinking I’m an asshole because I look like an ’80s teen movie villain whose rich father is going to shut down your youth center. You should think I’m an asshole because my rich father is going to shut down your youth center.

Don’t base your judgments on looks. Hate me for me.

Who is the more hateable person? A guy who looks like he sells fake weed, or a guy who actually sells fake weed? Because they’re both me.

I was in a bar this one time, drunkenly yelling over people, and this guy said I looked like a deadbeat stepdad. Way to be prejudice, dude. My kids’ stepdad is amazing.

A hero of mine once said, “I dream we can someday live in a world where people are judged based on their actions rather than their outside appearance.” I hope to live in that world too, Mr. Shkreli. And someday we will.