Viruses had something of a moment in 2020, didn’t they? Up until recently, serious diseaseophiles have maintained that they peaked in the ‘80s, but there is simply no denying that the noble virus has broken into the mainstream like never before!
Here is our definitive ranking of the viral infections that made serious waves this past year!
4. Antibiotic-resistant Gonorrhea
A new spin on an old classic, Antibiotic-resistant Gonorrhea provides an energizing buzz that won’t leave you hanging the minute you down some cephalosporin antibiotics. Whether you’re looking to spice up urination or get a little more swole in your under-regions, this potent offering has got your back.
Pros: Long-lasting effects
Cons: Anxiety, the drip
3. CAPTAIN TRIPS
Try as we might we couldn’t actually get ahold of this one, but based on the hype generated by ABC’s “The Stand” alone we’ve decided to give it the #3 spot, sight unseen!
Pros: Creativity, the exposition of an age-old struggle between the forces of good and evil
Cons: Paranoia, the near-instant upheaval of law and infrastructure.
2. COVID-19
Even if you’ve been living in a cave all year, you’re probably living in that cave BECAUSE you heard about COVID-19. Believe the hype, fam. This strain is absolute fire—beginners beware! This is not a virus you want to get infected with early in the morning or right before operating heavy equipment. This is the stuff you want when you’re looking to get knocked on your ass and couch-locked for literally weeks.
Pros: Trippy visuals
Cons: Dry mouth, death
You’re probably thinking we didn’t give COVID-19 the top spot just to be “cool” and “different” but hear us out…
1. SARS-CoV-2
Here it is, the viral late-comer that stole the top spot with a game-winning buzzer-beater. A crossbreed between COVID-19 and 2003’s fan-favorite SARS, this respiratory dominant hybrid has taken Britain by storm, so it’s only a matter of time before America is swept up in SARS-CoV-2 mania! Patients can expect the same general headspace and flavorless profile of a COVID high but with an extra bronchial acridness hence it’s common street name, “Strawberry Lung-butter.” Like it’s infamous parent strain COVID-19, this late-year offering is NOT for beginners and DEFINITELY not for use before work.