If there’s one thing everyone knows about the Hard Times, it’s that we’re avid nature enthusiasts. Recently, we had the opportunity to sit down with JoeJack, a live, unsedated kodiak bear and here are the five most important things we learned.
- Do Thorough Research Beforehand.
We approached this interview much like any other and right from the start it caused some issues. For instance, did you know that bears don’t speak English? In fact, they don’t speak any human languages according to JoeJack’s handler. They can also smell human fear.
- Bears Prefer a More Unconventional Interview Style.
After the whole “unable to communicate with one another” goof we weren’t sure our prepared questions about life in the forest and opinions on climate change were going to cut it. Luckily, it turns out bears actually prefer to be interviewed through more tactile means, and we were still able to learn a lot of interesting stuff, such as…
- Bears Love Honey!
We’re sure you’ve heard the rumor that bears go crazy for honey, but we wanted to find out for sure. So, we slathered our intern, Randall, with about eight gallons of pure clover honey and let us tell you, JoeJack loved it. We couldn’t even keep those two separated after that. Which brings us to the next lesson.
- We’re Looking for a New Intern.
This is less of a lesson and more of a job posting. Do to recent unforeseen and entirely unpreventable events, we need someone to help around the office. Previous experience in journalism or animal handling is preferred but not required. Any interested applicants should send a resume and CV letter to bear-interviews@thehardtimes.net.
- Bears Can’t be Arrested for Murder
Seriously, if you want somebody dead, like an annoying intern, just have a bear do it! It is completely above board and if you sweeten the deal with honey, the bears love doing it! Fortunately, his handler said he’d be available for as many follow ups as we needed, so you can bet we’ll have plenty more bear news in the future.