In today’s progressive social climate, some men find the dating world more intimidating than ever, particularly delusional, narcissistic men who think that all women are flirting with them at all times.
If this sounds like you, it’s likely that you’ll never be able to place an order with a waitress without assuming she’s throwing herself at you, but there is room for improvement. We have developed a brief questionnaire to help you, at the very least, determine if the woman you’re trying to hit on is really flirting with you or actually just a paid spokesperson for a major yogurt brand.
Is she an attractive, yet homely, thirty-something housewife?
Unless you’re at a singles night event at Buffalo Wild Wings, then it is definitely a yogurt commercial.
Does she appear unusually interested in probiotics?
Sorry to inform you but you have not just met a hot single yogi, you are in fact watching an Activia ad.
Does she have a doofy husband who is causing some kind of needless commotion in the background?
It’s probably a yogurt commercial, but there’s also a chance you’ve wandered into some kind of swinger’s club for the inept.
Are you watching television?
Okay, that is clearly a yogurt commercial.
Has she used the phrase “fruit on the bottom” at all?
Honestly, this one could either way. But realistically, unless she’s actively spreading strawberry KY on her nether-regions, it’s probably safe to assume she’s an actress.
How many cats does she have?
If the answer is 1 to 2 then it is a yogurt commercial. If the answer is 3-4 then it is a cat food commercial, and you’re disgusting. If the answer is 5 or more it’s a real person, but you may not want to get involved…
Is she responding to your advances?
If the answer is “no” then it doesn’t matter if she’s a yogurt mascot or not. She’s not flirting with you. Back off.
Has she said the line “I like my yogurt like I like my men. Greek!”
Uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Is she Jamie Lee Curtis?
You know what, we’re not gonna take this one away from you. Jamie Lee Curtis is totally flirting with you. Go for it, player.
Thank you for participating in this questionnaire. Next week check out our follow-up quiz: Are You “Too Fast For Love” or Do You Just Have Erectile Dysfunction?