If you’re a fan of hardcore, it means you view the world a little differently than your fellow man. Nothing satisfies your soul more than flying off a stage into a crowd of people. But you’re also a huge fucking idiot, so no normal stage dive will do. You’ve gotta go feet first. Here are 5 things only you understand that sane and smart people never will.
1. The Crunch of Someone’s Glasses Under Your Feet
Nothing feels quite like smashing someone’s expensive prescription glasses against their unsuspecting face. They were probably expecting you to do a stage dive like a human being with goodness in your heart. They thought wrong. Serves them right.
2. Shiny Objects
Nobody appreciates a good piece of tin foil or gum wrapper like you. The only thing you like more than a nice shiny thing is giving someone a heaping helping of the bottom of your feet.
3. The Hatred of Strangers
Most people will go their whole life without feeling the seething hatred of a room full of people. Not you, you feed off of it. You’re the Donald Trump of the moshing world. It is your life force. Breathe it deep, like the cretin you are.
Related: 7 Signs You’re The Frontman of Terror
4. The Importance of Heavy Boots
Someone who isn’t as awesome as you is never going to understand that some canvas sneakers just aren’t going to cut it. Only those who aren’t afraid to dive feet first into life and off the stage know how important a good pair of boots are for foot protection and massive destruction alike.
5. The Thrill of Forcing Old People to Stand on Public Transport
Nothing feels better than a seat warmed by your own self importance. Why should you have to move for that old hag? It’s more comfortable to sit, so you’ll sit. Fuck everyone.
Do you stage dive feet first? Let us know in the comments below.
Photo by Matt Gill.