My last memory as a civilian is chugging beers at the Warped Tour and jokingly signing up for what I thought was Anti-Flag’s mailing list. The next thing I know I’m waking up on a bus headed towards Fort Benning in Columbus, Georgia for basic training. Basic training for the United States armed forces? Yes. That one.
I arrived at basic training hungover and confused. I shyly asked others how they ended up here, naively believing maybe they were duped too. Nope. Almost all of them meant to join the army. When asked why I joined I told them about my Warped Tour experience and most of them just told me punk was “gay” while some sympathized with my predicament. Regardless, based on the reactions I’m getting I am beginning to think even my new superiors are surprised the Warped Tour tent worked.
Most people in the Army are assigned a nickname very quickly. Among the new recruits I met were Tex, Shooter, Gomey, and Red. I quickly became Dork Tour the minute the last syllable of my story left my lips. Why is this happening to me? I never thought this would be my punishment for trying to see Hatebreed on a Sunday afternoon.
After a few weeks of training I will be deployed overseas. I just held a gun for the first time a few days ago and now I’m off to die for my government in some foreign land, just like Anti-Flag tried to warn me about. Is this what you wanted when you allowed the Army to recruit at your shows Warped Tour? Well here I am, world, the one dude stupid enough to get tricked into joining the army at Warped Tour. Yep, that’s me alright, Private Dork Tour reporting for duty!
Joining the military is a huge life decision, make an easy decision instead and buy this Hard Times shirt!
Article by Jesse Irvin @NoJesseNoGlory