Nostalgia for the ‘90s appeals to absolutely everyone. You can’t even work a shift at Kroger without seeing someone in a “Dexter’s Lab” graphic tee, like that new cashier in aisle three who wore fishnets yesterday to complete the whole ensemble. When did she start? Last week? Ha. I barely noticed…
Anyways, that’s why I want to take this chance to reflect on an important movie from the ‘90s: the witchy teen classic “The Craft.” So go put on some extra mascara and black lipstick—or did that cashier wear purple lipstick when we worked until close on Sunday?— and come with us on a trip down memory lane.
“The Craft” is one of the first movies to treat witchcraft with the seriousness it deserves. Not that I necessarily believe in any of that stuff. Or wait, hmm… have you heard that she’s into that sort of thing? I mean, it’s fun to think about, I guess.
The protagonist of the movie, Sarah Bailey, casts a spell on her crush Chris which forces him to fall in love with her. But he’s a total moron if he needs a spell to fall for someone so pretty that also has a little sexy darkness underneath the surface.
Yeah I guess like, I’m a Wiccan and shit. Yeah.
The performances in “The Craft” had such an impact on me, I instantly went full-on goth. Here’s my first grade yearbook picture to prove it. Yeah, the picture is tiny and black-and-white, but believe me, I was absolutely rocking goth makeup, just like Fairuza Balk’s character Nancy. Do you think she’ll buy that? I mean, see that?
The point is, “The Craft” is a hugely underrated film. I have totally watched it before and didn’t just watch for the first time in the hopes of using it to strike up a conversation with the hot new girl in the break room.
Hollywood is finally giving “The Craft” the remake it deserves. And you know what? I’m gonna ask that cashier to go with me. Do you think she’ll be busy early-to-mid 2021 barring production setbacks?