DULUTH, Minn. — A pair of blue grippy socks given to local punk Kim Duverne while in rehab for methamphetamine addiction have just celebrated 10 years as the woman’s only winter socks, disgusted sources confirmed.
“Yeah, these socks have been through a lot since all three times I got out of rehab over the years, but they held up to the best of their ability, one day at a time,” Duverne explained, of the Novaplus Adult-sized socks given to her by inpatient staff in 2009. “The grippies at the bottom are getting a little less sticky since they’ve been washed probably like, 400 times since I got them, and they have zero elastic around the ankles anymore. But goddamn if they don’t sort of keep my feet warm when it’s cold out. I’m really proud of them.”
Some close to Duverne, however, cannot understand why their friend insists on using the “shitty-ass polyester or whatever” hospital socks years later, rather than spend $6 on a new pair.
“Honestly, I don’t know what her problem is. She’s struggled in the past for sure, but she’s actually really gotten her shit together in the last five years… other than those nasty socks I’m pretty sure are only a one-time-use sort of deal,” said friend and recovering alcoholic Deon M. “I’m not surprised they’ve lasted 10 years, though — I’m pretty sure they’re flame retardant, and I wouldn’t be shocked if they never biodegrade. I feel itchy just looking at those things.”
For their part, when asked how they achieved the milestone accomplishment, the socks were humble.
“Well, I definitely couldn’t have done it without the help of a higher power, who I choose to call Kim’s mom’s washing machine. If we had to rely on that sketchy laundromat by her house I probably would’ve gotten lost years ago. But that thing really helped keep me on track during my darkest moments, like when Kim threw up on me after her birthday party six years ago,” the socks said in a touching share delivered to a room full of anonymous socks. “Also, I stayed away from old people, places and things, and I didn’t jump behind the dryer, no matter what. Thanks for letting me share.”
At press time, the socks were calling their sponsor, a small blanket Duverne took from a Delta flight to Orlando in 2006.
Photo by Rachel Waldrop.